Precious Illusions
I have decided that this year is the year to shed all of the remaining "illusions" in favor of allowing the world to see more of the real me. I'm tired of the games, the politics, and the smokescreens.
You'll rescue me, right? in the exact same way they never did.
I'll be happy, right? When your healing powers kick in
You'll complete me, right? Then my life can finally begin.
I'll be worthy, right? Only when you realize the gem I am?
But this won't work now the way it once did
and I won't keep it up even though I would love to
once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
but I know I won't keep on playing the victim
These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
when I was defenseless
and parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends
This ring will help me yet,
as will you knight in shining armor
This pill will help me yet
as will these boys gone through like water
But this won't work as well as the way it once did
cuz I want to decide between survival and bliss
and though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
but I know I won't keep on playing the victim
These precious illusions in my head
did not let me down when I was a kid
and parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend
I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survival mode
But this won't work now the way it once did
cuz I want to decide between survival and bliss
Though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
but I know I won't keep on playing the victim
These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
when I was defenseless
and parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends
These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
when I was a kid
and parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend
I know who I'm not. I know who I am. And I know that I will find my way. I come closer all the time. It would be nice to have a knight by my side, but I've learned that I can slay dragons on my own...and if I can't, I know that I have MOH and my girls with me every step of the way.
It reminds me of the episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte tells the others: "Don't laugh at me, but maybe we can be each other's soulmates. And then we could let men just be these great nice guys to have fun with."
This year is a big one for me, I am learning more about myself, who I am, and who I want to become. No more illusions. And maybe, along the way, there will be one of those great nice guys to have fun with.
posted by Audrey @ 12:04 PM
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