Peace and Sunshine
There are days when the only way I can articulate my feelings is through music. That seems to be happening with more and more frequency. There are worse things I suppose, like not being able to express myself at all...The thing is, I am understanding more and more everyday about the issues, battles, disturbances, whatever you want to call them; that are confronting me. As I understand more, I feel the need to internalize more and more. An odd thing for me, since usually I just put my emotions right out there. But the more I verbalize this, the more I am expected to make rationalizations or give explanations.
That's not going to work this time. The people who understand (and they are few and very far between) will understand regardless of what I say or don't say. There is a small handful of people who understand exactly what I say whether words are involved or not. To those people, thank you. I will never be able to express how much that means to me.
I am beginning to have peace regarding Clark. I know that he will be alright eventually and I have to allow the situation to play out...getting in the way of "what is supposed to be" is a dangerous venture. It's tough to be unable to protect those I love the most. But I am learning to let go. (Not of Clark, but of trying to protect him all the time.) Sometimes one has to reach rock bottom before he can look up. It's only when you're on the floor that you can see how high you can rise.
"We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an
imperfect person perfectly... Throw things out there and not be perfect and not
have answers to anything and see if people understand" ~Angelina Jolie
That's how I feel about the connection Clark and I have...I mean the above quoted words only scratch the surface, but like I said, words are something that are more difficult to articulate these days. Anyway, just about 24 hours or so until Clark's moment of truth. As long as I know the outcome, I can manage.
This song today is of course Nikka but it's not just for me. It's also for a dear friend whose path is inextricably linked to my own.
So Have I For You
I am a woman with a mission and a past to outdo
I don't need a gun I've got a microphone
and a melody or two
Just like the earth has spent a thousand years
making up for what we do
So have I for you
Your seeds of misery have sprouted
and they try to block my way
The worst gets the better of you
and you try to disarm me with an embrace
Just like the heart that's spent a lifetime
forgiving what is cruel
So have I for you
Well mama you can choose the rain
but I choose the sun
That's all I need to free myself
I am a woman with a mission and a past to outdo
I don't need a gun I've got a microphone
and a melody or two
Just like the earth has spent a thousand years
making up for what we do
So have I for you
I have justified every wave in our ocean
I have covered every range of emotion
And just like the sea has spent eternity
at the mercy of the moon
So have I for you
Well mama you can choose the rain
but I choose the sun
That's all I need to free myself
This bird's gonna fly so high
Watch my sky come undone
Mama you can choose the rain
But I choose the sun
posted by Audrey @ 2:37 PM
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