Friday, December 02, 2005

Paper Tigers

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I have always known that I was a bit different than my friends. I have always been older than most of the people with whom I associate...though chronologically, I am usually the youngest. I am, in many ways, a study in opposites. I have written lately about embracing the gray. But when it comes to my life; I am very much a first-born with a iron-clad sense of black and white. I know which things in life are absolutes and those don't waver...the rest of it...well I hear gray is a lovely color.

I am an intense person...I can be a lot to deal with at times. As intense as I may be, I also have the ability to calm. Those around me tend to feed off of my energy (though only a few can drain me) frequently without even realizing they have done so. When someone new enters my inner circle they have a tendancy to cling tightly. Spending any significant amount of time around me will most likely result in you picking up my mannerisms, speech patterns, and if you're female: my jacked up hormones.

There are a few people in my life who are much stronger, wiser, and older than I. These are the people I cling to. Some of these people have been with me for ages...some I have known on this physical plane for years; others I have only recently come to know in a traditional sense. I have inextricable bonds with these individuals. I have written many times before about the soul connections I have with other people. There are a two people in my life right now with whom that connection surpasses even this. Believe me, it's incredibly bizarre for me to even say that out loud. But, it is truth and since this entire blog is about expressing truth I have to be brutally honest with myself.

My dreams have been fitful as of late. The creatures that haunt my sleep are again prowling. They aren't nearly as frightening as they used to be. Not that I underestimate any of them, actually the opposite is true. Each night I become more and more aware of the strength of each individual; however, I also have learned to trust those who are in my path to help me. For the time being, I am safe. As the world around me continues to spin offkilter, I become more centered. Maybe it's the imbalance in my own body...maybe it's the freedom of releasing control...maybe it's nothing more than hiding behind those who are stronger than I. Whatever the cause, I am content with the outcome.

Paper Tigers ~ Jaci Velasquez

Heart pounds
to the sound
comin' after me
Step back
what is that?
It's a mystery
Is it somethin'
Probably nothing
Still I find a way
to scare my self
'till I remember
this all feels familiar
And I know better.

They are only paper tigers following me
In the wild imagination of the make believe
And there's a fighter a survivor
Arising in me
I'm not afraid of paper tigers

Night brings
creepy things
and I hide away
False fears disappear
In the light of day
The sun is rising
I'm realizing
The only thing to fear is fear itself
Now I'm certain
That my beast of burden
Isn't worth the worry

...and I won't run away from Paper Tigers...