Strange Days
Today the gray sky mirrors my mood. It's not that I am sad today; rather, I am stuck in a state of confusion. I feel like I am pulled in so many different directions. And as Grace aptly said Sunday night: this confusion may not be of my own making but I do choose it.
The choosing of the drama isn't intentional...I don't like drama. I prefer for life to move along witht he least amount of heartache possible...it would seem like a given wouldn't it? Anyway, I know that I have always drawn in those that are hurting or confused or those who just need some reassurance or light. This stage of my life is no exception. Though, there is one now who challenges what I always thought I knew. I don't mean that on a deep spiritual level as though I were going to lose myself or my faith...it's not like that...if anything this person strengthens my my faith and my belief system. I now have someone other than Clark that can calm my mind in return for me calming the world around me.
I'm still not used to being taken care of by those who intrinsically understand more than the physical. I have always had amazing people in my life and I couldn't be more grateful. I love you all without question or reservation and I am extremely blessed with the life I get to lead. Thank you.
I do however find myself confused by things that should be clear to me. There are things that should be cut and dried...black and white with no room for gray...and yet, here I sit...confused. Sigh...I know that I will work things out, just as I always do...but this time it's bigger...it's more permanent than it's ever been. This world isn't quite as it seems and nothing is as it should be. I will weather this storm as I have all the others. At least I have wonderful people who will follow me as far as I will let them.
I am done with dwelling for the time being...I can't force change or action or anything else onto others...no matter how much I care about them. So, moving on to another topic.
If you're in need of some good, thought-provoking reading, go see Miss Joan she has outdone herself yet again I'd vote for her is she ever went in to politics.
When you are done there, go see Zach he has written yet another post both haunting and beautiful. Stay safe out there Zach, you are your boys are in my prayers.
posted by Audrey @ 2:08 PM
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