Tough Call
Happy Monday ya’ll. No it’s not all that happy and it is a Monday after all…it’s 11:15 and I’ve already been through a boring staff meeting…one that had very little to do with me, just for the record…
It seems like just now that my life is at status quo and I’m surviving…nay I’m on the verge of thriving…everyone else is spinning out. My dear friend Rie was ill and by herself when I woman shouldn’t have to be…that makes me furious…just so ya’ll know…and homeboy better steer clear of me, since my words will be the least of his problems if I get a hold of him…yeah Rie I know I promised to be good, but just give the word…
Then there is G…my friend is flipping out again…I can give all the advice she asks for, but when it comes down to it, only she can make the final decisions…but Lord it’s hard to watch good friends suffer…I hate it.
Miss Jess asked me last night what makes me sick to my stomach…that question can be answered on so many levels…from smells to words to situations…but I knew what she meant…on a gut level…what makes me ill?
The answer is cruelty…in all forms…in my mind it’s not a good thing when peers are cruel to one another, but that’s not what I’m talking about…I’m talking about cruelty, whether it be physical, emotional, mental, whatever…from a stronger person to a weaker one…yep, cruelty and injustice (I think they definitely go together) are what sicken me, they send disgust and repulsion to my very core.
I’ve never really been the victim of bullies…not in the typical kid sense anyway, I never got beat up, I never had my lunch money stolen, and I never even got shunned by my friends or anyone else…in fact I was only in one fight in my entire school career (I won by the way). Usually I was the kid stepping in the middle of the fight…backing the aggressor down…I guess the other kids figured I could kick their asses and left it at that…how true is it? I dunno, I never had to prove it…but even as a child cruelty disturbed me…I couldn’t stand to watch someone else suffer…
It’s still like that…I hate seeing my friends hurting…from whatever pain they feel…whether it’s self-inflicted or from the outside…it doesn’t matter…pain is pain…but watching someone self-destruct…well that’s the worst, ‘cause I’m completely powerless…and that, is a feeling I hate…
I guess on some level, I go through life trying to help my friends with all the things that I was (and still am) powerless to help Clark with…I know he hurts and I can’t fix it…so I throw myself into helping my friends “fix” whatever drama they have…as though maybe someday, if I get good enough at helping others, I’ll be able to finally help Clark reach his potential…I know that logically it doesn’t work like that…but I’m working on that too…I’m getting more and more self-aware and evolved every day… “someday, somehow we’ll make it alright…”
So ok ya’ll…what sickens you? What gets under your skin? Time for a little feedback…you don’t have to bare your soul, if you don’t want to…but it’s rather cathartic…
posted by Audrey @ 11:36 AM
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