The Sky Is Falling
No, I'm not Chicken Little and I'm not even being overly dramatic. It is yet again true that whenever it rains, it pours.
If it was within my power, I would ask to go back 96 hours and undo much of what has transpired within my world. Not for myself, but for the people I care deeply about. The list of people within my circle who are dealing with immense drama/ heartache/ sadness is much longer than the list of those who are alright.
My heart is heavy and my soul is drained...though I am near the bottom of my priority list right now. I will be just fine...it's others who have my energy for now.
A brief recap for the rest of the class: Friday afternoon Grace received a phone call from Little Brother. The bottom dropped out of his world and the end result was that I drove to Castaic and back in a straight shot. I left work early and drove from 3:30pm to 2:30 am... needless to say, it was a long and very emotional day.
Saturday was also emotionally draining as well...though the night contained more than its share of light. I got home at around 4am, exhausted but more with more light than I have had in a long time. Grace and I took Little Brother to G's bar and for most of the night it was just our group of friends there. I left there with quite a bit of mental balance. I love having people who don't need spoken word to pass between us for a conversation to ensue.
I needed every ounce of light I acquired Saturday to just get through Sunday. At least emotionally, if you only looked at the physical plane, Sunday was a good day. T and I went to the city for the game. We lost, but it was a good game and we had fantastic seats. It was a blast, just like always. Once we got home from the City, we went to a party for G's sissy. By the time we got there it was just our crew so I was ok...I was so not in the right emotional place to meet a lot of new people.
Kee sent me to bed by 2am because my energy was so lacking...he slept too so I got a little rest. Not nearly enough, but more than I would have otherwise.
Yesterday, I only lasted about two hours at work before I was sent home. They could see that I wasn't myself and my mind wasn't up to speed. In this job, I don't get to have mental "off" days. Comprehension is everything...and I wasn't comprehending a damn thing.
After a horrid, terror-filled nap I sought out some light and I have regained balance. I am still tired but I now have energy and light to support the people I need to. I love being with the people who don't need me to find the words...sometimes it's nice to have an open connection without the need for a stream of speech.
Some of this will settle in soon...other parts will take much longer. Thanks for your patience and concern, ya'll. You are amazing.
posted by Audrey @ 10:30 AM
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