Socially Acceptable?
Where to begin…there is so much to write down and so little time in which to write. I realize that I should be happy to be so busy since I’m the same one who complains bitterly when bored. I just wish I had enough time to gather my thoughts and maybe even finish one project before I dive head first into the next.
I digress; in the few minute I have, I simply must recount the events of Friday night. This story actually starts last Thursday when Grace and I were shopping for the many items we needed for host a barbeque on Friday night. As we were leaving the store, we ran into our old neighbor, Roger. We hadn’t seen Roger in about eight months as he moved shortly after we moved into the complex. We got along well for the short amount of time we knew him, so we stopped to chat.
By the end of the conversation, Grace had given him her number and invited him to stop by the barbeque if he wanted to the next night. We then thought nothing more of it and went about the preparations for the festivities.
The barbeque wasn’t a large party, just G and a couple other people and now, apparently, Roger. Friday night came and we cooked massive amounts of food. Roger showed up with his own beverages and we all had a laidback time. After a few hours, G had to leave since she had to work the next morning. She and the crew left but Roger stayed.
No big deal, Grace and I didn’t really see an issue. We played cards and drank for a while. Then each of us started to notice little things that were out of place…tiny details that would have been completely imperceptible had they been purported by say, Will or Dean. Then, with little warning, Roger asked Grace and I if we wanted to have a threesome.
Now, had he asked me when I was completely drunk or sober I could have answered him seriously (the answer I give him would be no regardless of my impairment); but he waited until I was just barely buzzed. In that state, my first inclination is to laugh…and that’s exactly what I did. I laughed at him. Not the polite “I’m a bit embarrassed” laugh…no, we’re talking the “full-out, did you really just ask that question in seriousness?” laugh. Grace informed him that we don’t actually roll that way.
Does he catch on to the fact that he’s been shot down? Nope. He asks again. Yeah…you’re not getting anywhere here buddy. At this point, I know I had the “you’re a moron” expression plastered across my face and here’s Roger, completely incredulous that we would say no to him.
Grace and I got him towards the front door as quickly as possible…two reasons: not only was he getting creepier by the moment, but I was loosing what little control I had over my words…I was about to call him all sorts of names as I told him what I really thought.
Doorway…we’re almost free of Roger…wait, he turns back around and asks, “So, maybe another night then?”
Seriously?? Did you really ask a third time? Do you realize that you had to double check which one of us was Grace and which one was Audrey? Are you really that stupid? Or that cocky? I’ma have to lean towards stupid…the man had previously been cute…but he was never that cute.
We barely got the door closed behind him before Grace and I collapsed on the floor in fits of laughter. It took several minutes to compose ourselves.
Everyone who has heard this story has had the same response: “He said what?!?! You’re not supposed to say that out loud!” Since then, Dean will periodically call and simply ask, “So, wanna have a threesome?” Before he dissolves into a fit of laughter himself.
Note to self: Apparently, the words: wanna hang out and barbeque with us actually means: wanna have a threesome…Useful information to know.
posted by Audrey @ 3:10 PM
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