It's raining, it's pouring
Rain, rain, go away…don’t come back another day…gray, cloudy, blah. Not only is that the weather forecast, but a mood forecast for yours truly as well. There is nothing “wrong” per se. I’m just not in a good place…maybe it’s the lack of sleep…or maybe it’s the hormones…or maybe it’s that boys are bound to be dumb no matter how much you hope they won’t be.
No Clark isn’t in trouble again…that situation isn’t haunting my every waking thought this time around…it’s kind of a nice feeling too…whatever happens, happens…whatever doesn’t…well you know how it goes. Anyway, there are far more confusing circumstances swirling through my mind this morning.
I ought to be nothing but excited…Miss Jess is coming up tonight for the weekend…she’ll be here for Jean’s party (yay!) and we are going apartment hunting! Yeah I really am stoked, but I’m also so distracted…
I saw JD last night…we went for a drive so he could decompress…nothing happened so no one needs to get riled up for any reason…I didn’t let anything happen and it was a good talk…for the most part. Way too many things that shouldn’t be said…way too many emotions that should never see the light of day…or night for that matter. But, all in all…it went pretty well…as well as one can hope for I suppose.
I really hate that I don’t get the option to be close friends with JD…I would have much rather kept my thoughts in my head and his thoughts in his and continued on as we did for the previous eight years. I told him flat out that I refused to allow him or be a part of anything that would damage his career, reputation, family or life in general…the other factor: I won’t jeopardize what Clark and I are trying to rebuild for something that can never be.
In another time, another place…yeah, definitely…but there can never be anything but friendship between JD and myself…and I am perfectly ok with that…with Clark I can see a future…it’s a rocky one and definitely an uphill battle…but God knows I love him…and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt him...I certainly haven't yet...which really oughta mean something...
posted by Audrey @ 12:25 PM
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