Blood on the Moon?
The dread is growing…it’s stronger than it’s been in a long time. We are all feeling it. What the it is remains to be seen. Neither G nor Adrian have any idea of what is coming, though they’ve both been warned to be very careful the next few days.G had a horrific call a few days ago, but that obviously wasn’t the it we are waiting out. I have yet to be able to calm the chills that are coursing through my body. My stomach and spine are still in knots and I can barely concentrate on work. There isn’t enough to keep my mind focused on anything other that the unknown. It’s getting stronger…
My sleep has been very disturbed again. Last night I saw blood on the moon…though there wasn’t any when I looked out the window. I am terrified that being near me will end up causing Adrian pain. I can’t lose him…
Usually, if I’m worried about something in regards to Adrian, it has more to do with the fact that I can be very intense and it tends to scare people who either don’t know me or at least don’t know how to handle me.
When I’m in a relationship, I’m very focused and my energy can be overwhelming. I’m always thinking of little ways (or sometimes big ways) to show the man I’m with how much I care about him. Adrian has told me that it takes some getting used to…that he’s never had another girl be so considerate of his needs, wants, feelings. If he says he wants something, I do everything in my power to make it happen…especially if it’s something he mentions in passing and doesn’t expect me to remember.
See, I don’t even think about being in a relationship until I can give a lot of myself…otherwise I run the risk of burning myself out because that person will still get the same amount of my energy. Right now, I am not burning out; but that is at the expense of many friendships…that and Adrian may not know what to do with my intensity…but he doesn’t run from it either.
But today, my fear is more worry and it’s actually for him. Not just esoterically, but actually, physically, bodily. If it’s emotional…it will still be felt physically. There have been several times when I have worried about him and with good reason each time. This time, I was scared to let go of him. I clung to him longer than normal this morning. I think that’s how he knew I was serious when I told him about what I sensed.
It’s taking everything in me not to call him every hour to check on him. But, until I know more it won’t do any good to hover. Just wish I had some idea…and it would be great if the moon would stop bleeding on my dreams…
posted by Audrey @ 11:54 AM
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