Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Pretty Things

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Lest anyone forget, I am a girl. A girly girl at times even. I may enjoy getting my hands dirty, but I also love pretty things. Yesterday, I got home from work to find that a package had arrived. Said package contained some very pretty things.

I finally got around to ordering some art prints from a favorite artist of mine. In case ya'll haven't seen her work,
Shano is fabulous!! I think I found her work several months ago through a link on either this lovely lady's site or over at the wonderful Miss Christina's former haunt. At any reat, I really love Shano's work and so I broke down and went a little art crazy. I am hoping to get more in the next couple months.

Look here to see what I got so far:
this one, this, this one is for my mom and finally I couldn't bear to leave without her.

That was my pared down list...She has several more that I want...but I must pace myself...hehehe. But I'm definitely not manic. lol.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

When the Grown-ups Leave

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All of the attorneys and the firm partners (wow that sounds kinda dirty) are off-site in an all day meeting. And you know what they say: When the cats are away...the mice will play.

Or, in this case the mice will work on all the projects that have fallen by the wayside in favor of actual case production. Today is a catch-up day for me. I have a huge stack of paperwork on my desk that needs to be dealt with.
To prioritize:
  1. Safety Manual Checklists need to be organized. (I also need to read mine so I can submit my paperwork to...well, myself)

  2. about 75 Assembly Bill summaries need to be uploaded into the firm's Notable Legislation blog

  3. many, many (no I didn't bother to count) Legislation Digests need to be uploaded to the firm's LISd blog

  4. also, the newest installment of Engrossment needs to be uploaded

  5. last, but certainly not least, there is a new bill that needs typed for today

oh, and did I mention I have to leave early today for school? I did manage to get my marketing homework done already, so that is a big plus. I will have to fight rush hour traffic...but at least with the miracle of cell phones (and the tiny detail that I have an enormous minutes plan) I don't have to be bored.

Three hours and change of marketing class tonight. Should be interesting. Last week we voted, as a class, to forego most of the normal class breaks throughout the evening in favor of getting out early. I am a fan of that...though it means I might not get to see Ko'u kalohe tonight...we'll see. It depends on how tired my brain is after three hours of class.

Ok, back to my list 'o' responsibilities. Happy Thursday, ya'll.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

True That

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In case anyone needed further proof that the wonderful Ms. Feisty totally rocks, check this out. She has it right on. I know I feel like that frequently.

What brings this on? I have a presentation for work in about an hour. I am way behind on the upkeep and implementation for this project. Why? Because we are severely understaffed and I am not actually capable of being in more than one place at a time. I only pretend to be a superhero. ;-)

I spent three hours last night working on HTML coding for the work sites. Plus I had several hours of my own coding homework that needed done. I still have a lot to do before Saturday for my class. I even made Ko'u kalohe listen to me read about computer programming. I feel so dense when I read the book. Ah well, c'est la vie. I really must get the rest of my work done before the presentation. Back into the 4th Circle of Hell I go.

Oh, and if you get the chance, go congratulate, Ms. Rae who for three nights in March will be the angry one.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Different Planets

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In case you wondered whether men and women actually think differently, allow me to offer the following exchange as evidence that, yes, men and women think very differently.

To preface my story, I was home from work this morning with excruciating joint pain. My Lupus flared up and it hurt to even contemplate moving. My mom called and because will always be my mom and as such I will always be her baby girl, she decided that she and dad needed to check on me. They came over and dad was sent to "diagnose" me. It went something like this:

Dad: Are you sick?
Me: My Lupus is flared up and I'm in pain.
Dad: Is it just in your joints?
Me: It's in my joints and consequently, my head hurts.
Dad: do you have a fever?
Me: No it's just the Lupus.
Dad: DO you still have meds?
Me: yeah, some. I will take a Vioxx tonight, it should help.
Dad: ok do that.
enter mom
Mom: So, what's the diagnosis?
Dad: Audrey needs to see a rhumatologist again.
Mom: Ok, I'm going to make some chicken soup.

She was completely serious...that was her only response...I'm actually wondering now whether or not she even heard what my dad said. But, in case anyone wonders...the soup was good.

I give them a bad time, but my family is awesome. hehehe.

Ramblings on the Road

this is an audio post - click to play

The audio post may make little sense...but it represents how many different directions my brain runs all the time. ;-)

So, I'm thinking that a change of scene might be good. I hear Peru is nice...if I had $90,000 I know how I would spend it. A dear friend has me sold on the idea. I have enough inspiration to make use of the time. I choose to believe that my drama doesn't speak Spanish; but I do. I even have the gardener in place already...now all I need is $90,000.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Better by the Moment

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Today is a better day. It started out rainy, but now the sun is shining and because of last night's fiorinol, I am slightly dazed. Now I remember why I spent so long strung out on pain killers in high school...sometimes it's nice to not feel everything so sharply. (Lest ya'll worry about me, I am fine. Just musing outloud as it were). Anyway, I am starting to get back into the swing of being a student. I am trying to get caught up in my Web Publishing class.

Fortunately for me I have wonderful friends who have taught me quite a bit about HTML coding and stylesheets and the like. Obviously I need to know much more, hence this class...but at least I'm not floundering here at the beginning. I think I will order my books tonight or tomorrow morning from Amazon.

I have been listening to one of my favorites this morning...listen for yourselves.
"Could You Be Loved" By Bob Marley

I have no profound thought today, but a good friend of mine does, go see what she has to say.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Books, Knowledge and the IRS

Ever feel like all you do is fight? That's how today is shaping up. I spent quite a bit of time arguing with TaxAct and the IRS this morning. I am one of those freaks who actually files her taxes the same day she gets her W-2. Ok so the truth is, I am afraid I will lose all the important paperwork if I wait. Anyway, I got most of that straightened out...just in time to argue with the electronic registration system of the college. I have one of the two classes I needed for this semester and the system is going out of its way to make my life difficult right now. I am pretty certain I will get it straightened out and I will have this class before it's all said and done...but until then...well I want to kick people.

I also found out which textbooks I need and how astronomically expensive going back to school is going to be this semester. The first one I have to have is Framework for Marketing Management and HTML and XHTML. Thank God they sell used books on Amazon. The Marketing book is literally $50 less on AMazon than it is in the bookstore...both used. Oy vey! Ahh such are the joys of being a student again. hehehe.

I start back to classes on Thursday night. I have an hour to hour and a half commute both directions. Should be interesting. I am used to making the drive (it's the same place that my Kalohe works) but not ususally at rush hour. sigh...hopefully the class will be interesting at least. I have to do well...I'm gonna need these skills later. ;-)

**UPDATE** I love the professors at this school! (So far anyway) They actually respond to student requests! The professor for the Web Publishing class let me add. He got me my add code just hours after I emailed him. I must say that it's a nice change to have teachers who do their jobs efficiently. Yay!!

Monday, January 16, 2006

These are a few of my least favorite things

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My mood matches the clouds outside the window. I am at work...stuck in meetings for approximately the next 6 hours. I'm not having a pity party...I don't believe in them...I am having a rather low moment though so I feel compelled to write a short list of things I despise.
1. I hate meetings...they are a waste of my time.
2. I hate sharing...and I hate when that makes me seem petty.
3. I hate feeling out of control...impotence doesn't sit well with me.
4. I hate feeling like I hit a brick wall head on doing a buck twenty.
5. I hate being so unbalanced...I feel like I might just get locked up if I'm not careful.

Tomorrow will be brighter, I know it...so I just have to get through today...one moment at a time.

"Bad Day" By Daniel Powter
Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Friday, January 13, 2006

Out of the Blue

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Last night I received a phone call I wasn't expecting. Grace and I were sitting in the living room watching a movie and her cell phone rang. The caller ID listed a San Diego number that neither of us knew. As the phone rang, the image of a friend flitted through my mind...I brushed it off...no sense getting my hopes up for nothing. Grace answered and soon mouthed the name of the caller. I was in shock...not because I knew who it was but because I didn't think I would ever hear from this one again.

After a minute or two, Grace handed me the phone...I said hello and waited for the familiar voice on the other end. My prodigal son had come home. For the first time in nine months, E called. I have missed him more than I can say. He apologized for the hell he put me through last year and we moved past it all. It was good to know that he missed me as much as I did him. We talked through a lot of things, we both cried some and we moved forward.

E made me cry, he told me that his heart has been completely wrenched this year because he hasn't been able to talk to me and then wasn't sure if I would talk to him. We have been through hell together in the last almost five years. He was the first one I told when I was going to have to leave San Diego...we know each other better than most people will ever know either of us.

Anyway, I knew before he ever called that if I were to ever hear from him again it would be for one of three reasons:
1) someone died
2) his marriage was struggling
3) he was deploying to the Sandbox

Well, two out of the three apply. I was deeply saddened to know that his grandfather passed away...I loved that man, such a wonderful and gentle human being. And, as one of my worst fears was realized, E has his deployment date. He leaves in August. I guess it's a good thing I already know what to expect...we are both going to need that this next year.

I am glad that he's got his life mostly together and he's happy. He's scared about deploying and I am terrified for him...so here we go again. I can't say enough how grateful I am to have a built in support system in my Fabulous Service Sisters.

My heart is both lighter and heavier today. I am ecstatic that E and I are on our way to having that friendship again. It is good to know that I am still the one he looks to when he's struggling...we've always been that for each other. I also wasn't expecting to go back onto a deployment rollercoaster this year. Well, as always one day at a time...I will be happy about the little things...I have my kindergartener back. I can't ask for more...

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Charmed Existence

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I have finally crashed. After six or more weeks of riding high on a manic swing, I have crashed. I am pretty subdued this week as a result of that. It wasn't the worst crash I've had, but it was pretty ugly. Grace and Ko'u nui kalohe had to put me back together or at least listen as I fell. I am blessed... truly and deeply. I love my life but when I crash is when all the doubts and fears overwhelm me. I questioned things and people I had no business questioning...

I am however glad to say that I just about have my head on straight again. These lyrics floated through my dreams both last night and the night before...

I'm not so scared of dying
I've got my health, my friends and family too
I'm just afraid of living and not being sure...
I've led a charmed life

No this ain't no hard luck story
Some have had better and some have had worse
But then again until you've walked in my shoes
You'd have to say I've led a charmed life

I believe it's neither wrong or right
To cross that line from the dark to the light
And I say, "Even in the worst of times against all
odds, I seem to have led a charmed life."

Monday, January 09, 2006


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I first heard this song on a cd from a dear friend and I immediately fell in love with it. It's disturbingly amusing how easily the lyrics are changed into exactly what I want when I grow up. I have so many thoughts swirling through my head, I can't seem to catch hold of a single one to write it down.

I've been reminded recently by some friends who look out for my well-being even when I don't (Thanks by the way; you guys rock!) that I can't solve all of the world's problems and I can't save everyone. I am trying to step away from my She-ra self, as Clark used to call it. I won't walk away from my friends when they need me, but I am also trying to let them be more responsible for themselves. I can't be accountable for everyone. Besides, at some point I have to focus on the things I want for me...

Pony ~ Kasey Chambers

When I grow up, I want a pony
I'm gonna ride her from dusk 'til dawn
I'll brush her mane and feed her sugar cane
And keep her in safe from the storm.

If I had a pony, I wonder could I be your girl?

When I grow up, I want a baby
I'm gonna name it after Ralph Stanley.
And I sure won't mind when it cries all night
Just as long as it looks like me.

If I had a baby, I wonder could I be your girl?
Odelay Odelow, you rock my world
Odelay Odelow, when I grow up I wanna be your girl

When I grow up, I want a cowboy
With dust all over his jeans
With a horse named Jack and a 10 gallon hat
He is nice but he looks so mean.

If you were a cowboy, I wonder could I be your girl?
Odelay Odelow, you rock my world
Odelay Odelow, when I grow up I wanna be your girl

When I grow up, I'll be a lady
All of my rings will be made of gold
I'll keep flowers in my room, I'll wear purfume
I won't listen to rock 'n' roll.

If I was a lady, I wonder could I be your girl?
Odelay Odelow, you rock my world
Odelay Odelow Odelay, when I grow up I wanna be

When I grow up I wanna be
When I grow up I wanna be your girl

When I grow up I want a pony
When I grow up I want a baby
When I grow up I want a cowboy
When I grow up I'll be a lady

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Small Blessings

I found this hiding in the draft pile so I decided to just post it. Don't read anything else into it; nothing in my life or situation has changed...nor do I expect it to...
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I have learned to be thankful for the small blessings from the Army.

Once your soldier gets overseas, flexibility takes on a whole other meaning. Plans and orders change faster than they can be handed out and oftentimes Clark didn’t know for sure whether he was going until he was getting into the truck to leave. If his unit was getting ready to move camps, he would try to give me a heads-up that things would be changing within the next few days and that he would call as soon as he could. Obviously, for security reasons, Clark wasn’t able to give me the location of his next stop until he was there, but he used to give me enough clues that as long as I was paying attention, I could figure out what he meant. He moved to four different camps while he was in Kuwait for three weeks, so it was safe to say that at first he did little but pack and unpack his shop.

Clark is a mechanic in an MP company. He and four other guys were in charge of repairing and maintaining over fifty vehicles for their unit. Clark works on everything from humvees to wreckers and all the things in between. My least favorite part of Clark’s job was that he was responsible for doing vehicle recoveries. After an attack or an accident where a vehicle is damaged, someone has to go out and clear the wreckage and get the vehicles back to the base. Well, Clark was one of two guys in the company qualified to drive the 5-ton wreckers, so he was out in the open a lot. I knew that recoveries were part of his job, but it still scared me every time, so usually he wouldn’t tell me until he was done that he had been out and about. And, because he worked with MP’s he often had the “privilege” of driving on raids, also not so reassuring for the girlfriend half a world away. But he always promised he would take care of himself and not take extra risks.

The other thing I worried about with Clark driving the wrecker is that every six weeks to two months, he would have to make the two day trip from Baghdad to Arif Jahn in Kuwait in the supply convoys. He would always call me as soon as he could to warn me that he would be going and when I could expect the next phone call from Kuwait. The two days Clark was travelling each way were incredibly tense and nerve-wracking from my perspective. I hated not knowing if he was alright, I knew he wasn’t safe and even though I was confident in his ability as a soldier, it didn’t make me feel any better about him being out there.

He had some harrowing experiences on the convoy roads and one of the things that helped us get through each subsequent trip was that we prayed together before he left each camp. I don’t know if that helps everyone, but it made us feel better and since my faith has always been important to me, it was one way he and I could share that aspect of my life. I always voiced my faith that he would make it from place to place unharmed, and he said on numerous occasions that he needed to hear me say it out loud to reassure him as well as myself.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

new year

I have a post I am working on for today, but since it is taking longer than I had anticipated to form the words the way I want them to read, i just wanted ya'll to know I am still here and I haven't forgotten about anyone. Happy New Year to you all!!