Musings of an Empress: June 2006

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

With a Little Help From My Friends

I have a little favor to ask of my fantastic readers. Don't worry, I don't need you first born child or even a kidney. This could actually be a lot of fun. My brother-in-law, James called me this morning with a question of the day. I want to know what ya'll have to say about it. So, here's the scenario as told to me:

You're driving across the desert to meet your long lost love in a 1972 De Ville convertible with the wind in your hair; the sun is just cresting over the horizon. You have the music playing loudly and the drive is exhilirating.

So, what are the two songs that you simply must hear on this journey?

I want to see what you guys would listen to. Leave your songs in the comments. I'll add mine too.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Ceasing to Sleep Again

I still can't sleep tonight. That means ya'll get to join in my lat night ramblings. Tonight they are in music form. I've been fighting with my computer for the last two hours...I quit...so to make me feel better, we are now gonna listen to Mike Ness. I love his voice...though to be perfectly honest, he could just stand there and I would be almost as happy.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Reeling

I've been absent around here lately because I can't find my feet long enough to form words and subsequently, record those words. This week has been pretty busy with work, job-hunting, family and life.

So, here's the rundown:

I'm still waiting to find out concrete answers regarding my interview last week. The more I learn about the job; the more I am convinced that it's the perfect opportunity for me. SO keep your fingers crossed.

Grandpa isn't doing well at all. He's worse than he's been letting on which we knew, to some degree. Turns out the last few weeks he's been getting pretty dizzy. He didn't even have the energy to go to my youngest niece's 5th birthday party. G-ma won't hardly leave his side.

Work is becoming increasing unbearable by the day. Like rats off a sinking ship allthe senior staff is attempting to defect. Hopefully, we'll have the opportunity to leave en masse.

Now for the reeling part of the show. I got a call Friday afternoon from Kolohe. He informed me that this would be his last weekend at the bar...oh and at the college. He was offered (accepted) a job in Los Angeles...it starts Wednesday.

The upside is that he'll be making more money and he won't have the beastly commute. He'll also be driving (piloting?) a boat so he'll get to be back on the water. He needs that...his soul has withered by being landlocked.

The downside is that he will work four weeks at a time in L.A. and then be home for about a week before heading back. It also means that I don't know when I will see him next.

It's all so sudden that Kolohe is reeling aobut as much as we are. On top of all that, his grandfather passed away last week and his entire family is here from Hawaii.

You know it all caught me off gurad when the bar was full of cute, tall asian men
and I didn't even get to appreciate them. Two of Kolohe's cousins are pretty hot. Anyway, Grace and I bought Kolohe an ice cream cake and Strawberry and Cream frappuchinos. (They're his favorite.) The worst part of the evening was having to break the news to G while she was at work.

In addition to Kolohe's family, his wife was at the bar too. She isn't the most pleasant of human beings and she certainly doesn't like us. C'est la vie, we still got to say our goodbyes, and since I've talked to Kolohe twice already today, I have hopes that perhaps geography won't make us entirely distant. Here's to hoping that all of the events of the weekend sink in soon and I can stop my head from spinning.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Socially Acceptable?

Where to begin…there is so much to write down and so little time in which to write. I realize that I should be happy to be so busy since I’m the same one who complains bitterly when bored. I just wish I had enough time to gather my thoughts and maybe even finish one project before I dive head first into the next.

I digress; in the few minute I have, I simply must recount the events of Friday night. This story actually starts last Thursday when Grace and I were shopping for the many items we needed for host a barbeque on Friday night. As we were leaving the store, we ran into our old neighbor, Roger. We hadn’t seen Roger in about eight months as he moved shortly after we moved into the complex. We got along well for the short amount of time we knew him, so we stopped to chat.

By the end of the conversation, Grace had given him her number and invited him to stop by the barbeque if he wanted to the next night. We then thought nothing more of it and went about the preparations for the festivities.

The barbeque wasn’t a large party, just G and a couple other people and now, apparently, Roger. Friday night came and we cooked massive amounts of food. Roger showed up with his own beverages and we all had a laidback time. After a few hours, G had to leave since she had to work the next morning. She and the crew left but Roger stayed.

No big deal, Grace and I didn’t really see an issue. We played cards and drank for a while. Then each of us started to notice little things that were out of place…tiny details that would have been completely imperceptible had they been purported by say, Will or Dean. Then, with little warning, Roger asked Grace and I if we wanted to have a threesome.

Now, had he asked me when I was completely drunk or sober I could have answered him seriously (the answer I give him would be no regardless of my impairment); but he waited until I was just barely buzzed. In that state, my first inclination is to laugh…and that’s exactly what I did. I laughed at him. Not the polite “I’m a bit embarrassed” laugh…no, we’re talking the “full-out, did you really just ask that question in seriousness?” laugh. Grace informed him that we don’t actually roll that way.

Does he catch on to the fact that he’s been shot down? Nope. He asks again. Yeah…you’re not getting anywhere here buddy. At this point, I know I had the “you’re a moron” expression plastered across my face and here’s Roger, completely incredulous that we would say no to him.

Grace and I got him towards the front door as quickly as possible…two reasons: not only was he getting creepier by the moment, but I was loosing what little control I had over my words…I was about to call him all sorts of names as I told him what I really thought.

Doorway…we’re almost free of Roger…wait, he turns back around and asks, “So, maybe another night then?”

Seriously?? Did you really ask a third time? Do you realize that you had to double check which one of us was Grace and which one was Audrey? Are you really that stupid? Or that cocky? I’ma have to lean towards stupid…the man had previously been cute…but he was never that cute.

We barely got the door closed behind him before Grace and I collapsed on the floor in fits of laughter. It took several minutes to compose ourselves.

Everyone who has heard this story has had the same response: “He said what?!?! You’re not supposed to say that out loud!” Since then, Dean will periodically call and simply ask, “So, wanna have a threesome?” Before he dissolves into a fit of laughter himself.

Note to self: Apparently, the words: wanna hang out and barbeque with us actually means: wanna have a threesome…Useful information to know.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Quick Update

I have great stories from my weekend that I hope to get posted by tonight. For the time being however, I have way more work than I can accomplish. We are completely swamped here at work and I have an interview at 5pm today so keep your fingers crossed for me. I’ll let ya’ll know how it goes.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Life in the Fastlane

Life has been crazy this week…hence the lack of posting. It will get better; I haven’t dropped off the planet…not yet anyway.

Lots of work and trying to get caught up with friends and attempt to stay that way. Who knows yet whether or not it will happen. As Popeye say, “Me does the best me can do and that’s all me can do.”

My weekend is looking to be action-packed again and I’m hoping I can keep up. C’est la vie! Better to be busy than bored, I suppose.

In other news, I have an interview scheduled for Monday morning. It’s with a University and I think it’s a place I would really like to work. I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much, but there is a little part of me that believes I have a real shot at it. We’ll see. I let ya’ll know when I know anything more.

Hope ya’ll have a great weekend.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

You did what?

Just a little math for the class
miles driven since Thursday night -- 2500
hours I was on vacation -- 86
hours spent driving -- 41
average price of gas -- 3.49 per gallon
fantastic memories -- priceless

My trip to San Diego with Grace and G was wonderful. It was chaotic, insane and exhausting but one of the most fun weekends I've had in years. I drove from Sacramento to San Diego twice with some huge detours each time...totally not the plan but well worth it to kidnap Will for the day. Many stories to relate but since I still haven't slept a full night's sleep (even for me) the stories must wait.

I can definitely say however that Will is the best navigation system I have ever encountered. When in doubt, call Blondestar. hehe.

In other news, the fantastic Ms. Judy and Mr. Gene just left my casa. We had a hilarious and relaxing evening over barbequed chicken and bitch beers. We simply must do this again sometime soon. I can't believe it took us this long in the first place!!

Now, I must sleep...g'night ya'll.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Velocity of Presence

...When I look into your eyes
I can see how life has savaged you
It's ok if you fall
I will be there to catch you
Anyone who would want to hurt you
Would have to go through me to do it
I will never be able to pound words into lines
To match the velocity of your presence
(the emphasis is my own, by these amazingly accurate and apropos words belong to none other than the great Rollins)

I have spent several evenings this week with Dean and last night as we sat talking, the last lines of that poem echoed throughout my brain. "I will never be able to pound words into lines to match the velocity of your presence". I do realize that it must frequently sound as though I'm waxing poetic like some lovestruck teenager (which I haven't been for quite some time now) and never have I been like that when it comes to Dean.

I've written before about my belief in wisdom of the ancients -- wisdom of lives you haven't lived. Well, Dean is ancient. If you look up old soul in the dictionary, his picture will be next to it. To say that he is "wise beyond his years" doesn't even scratch the surface. As Grace discovered when she met him last week: (direct quote) "I know you always say that you don't have adequate words to describe him, but I can say now that your words come as close as any ever will. Dean really is all that you say and yet there is so much more depth than words can capture. It's no wonder you love him so deeply and were so devastated to lose him."

It has occurred to me in the last few days that part of my downfall in relationships...even friendships...is that in the five years we had no contact I went around trying everything I could think of to fill the void in my soul. The problem is, nothing except Dean can fill a Dean-sized hole. It wasn't until he came back that I was able to recognize my own behavior. I do realize that had I asked, there are a few of you who could have told me that all along. I suppose I just had to learn the hard way.

Since I returned from Tennessee I have felt myself withdrawing more and more from those around me...not in an "I want to be a hermit and live in a cave" kind of way...more like an "I don't have time for people who are half-way into my life" kind of way. I am incredibly intense when it comes to my interpersonal relationships and I think that can be a lot for most people to handle. MOH was right, I don't have a lot of uses for accquaintances. Either you are in and like family or you're out.

Perhaps I am subconsciously severing ties so that if I move there isn't as much to be done here. Perhaps I am simply acting out. Maybe I'm feeding off the energy of others. Maybe it's a phase I'm going through. I don't know why I am distancing mysef from others...all I know is that, right or wrong, I don't feel bad about it. I feel as though it's the most natural thing to do at this moment in my life.

Another good piece of advice I received, told me that in order to make a fair decision regarding which coast of the country I should reside I needed to compile some data. While I will leave the wildlife samples to those more qualified than I; there is one thing I can do: Partake in all of my favorite activities here while all the fun things there are still fresh in my mind.

In an effort to conduct this experiment, G, Grace and I will be embarking upon a roadtrip tomorrow night. We are going to spend Friday in beautiful and sunny San Diego. G and I will be driving home again on Saturday, but I don't mind if it means seeing my city for just a few hours. It kills me that the last time I was in San Diego I wasn't even allowed off the plane...I watched the city through the thick and smudged windows of the plane. This time I will sit on the Ferry Landing and watch the sun set over my skyline. I can feel the ocean already.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

St. Catherine of Alexandria

I was touched by my very own St. Catherine (the patron saint of libraries) today...though mine is far cooler than the original (I mean no disrespect, I'm just partial to mine). I retrieved the mail this afternoon and to my delight, there was a padded envelope contianing a much anticipated book. MOH was kind enough to send me some new reading material. I am stoked! Can't wait to begin reading.

It appears that we are starting a book trade of sorts. It's like a mail-in library. From what I've seen, MOH has a better selection of books than my local library, so I think I got the good end of this deal! :-)

This evening, I finished Do I Come Here Often? and I'm most of the way through No Place Like Home. I started it on the plane ride back from Tennessee. Don't mock, there aren't a lot of literary choices at the Nashville airport...I picked something more substantial than the trashy romance novels with Fabio on the cover.

Also in my mailbox today was a cd I couldn't wait to get my hands on. Niccola introduced me to their music a few weeks ago, and I must say: I am hooked. I enjoy the tracks, the lyrics and the general sound. Here's how the members of Fredalba describe themselves:

"An artist that knows no boundaries or borders is free to create and expand a genre. So many styles, like musical miles, this is the fever that brought Fredalba together to create our own musical climate. Nourished by Los Angeles, a city whose landscapes are as wide and varied as her cultures, the soul of Fredalba is an amalgamation of this diversity. The underground to the new sound: not a hybrid of styles and ideas colliding, but a marriage of influences where the lines cease to exist." -- "Possibility Through Positivity"

Go listen for yourselves...I am currently enjoying the music and the literary works...Though I really ought to be sleeping...tomorrow will be a long day. On the upside it culminates with a dinner with friends. Yay. Hope ya'll have enough light in your day.

ps...Happy Birthday sissy! Today is Roxy's 27th birthday. Love you!!

Monday, June 05, 2006

What Needs Said

Pretty much anyone who has read more than a handful of my posts knows that I am one of the most pro-military girls you will come across. I don't believe in Magnetic Patriotism, but I do believe in supporting the men and women of our armed forces in the most real ways I can find. Usually, that means writing letters/Christmas cards, sending care packages, saying thank you whenever possible and doing what i can to get their own words out.

Not too long ago, I came across an editorial letter written by a local soldier that I couldn't help but pass on to all of you.

Just yesterday, I found a post written by another local military man. A bona fide Seal who just happens to be like a little brother to me. I am so proud of poquito rojo as my brothers call him. So, I wanted to tak a few minutes to share his words:

I don't like the war, but I'm sitting here waiting for an IA (Individual Augmentation) to come my way and order me off to the land of the sand people.

It isn't your (or 'our' for that matter) choice whether or not we go to war, the best we can do is suck it up and support the ones that have to deal with the bull shit.

...

When I was back home I didn't think it mattered to the ones that were off and away what was said back in the states. I always thought they were too far away to really care. Now that I'm here and I've seen the effect it can have on the ones here with me, I have come to appreciate what just a little bit of support from home can do. And how much damage even the smallest bit of dissent can cause.

Go read the rest. It's the least we can do when he's giving so much.

PR stay safe. Take care of you...we'll see you soon.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Game Plan

There is much to say about the last two days, but at this point I don't know how much I am free to discuss outside of my own head. So, here's what I can say: my Saturday is going to be very busy and I couldn't be happier.

In the morning I have to wash Kai and fill up the gas tank (that will be painful) and then I go to pick Niccola up at the airport. We have a coupel of hours to hang out before I have to relinquish her to Daddy Van. I'm not complaining though, I swear!

After I drop Niccola off I have to spend a couple hours doing laundry and baking. I may see Kalohe; but I'm not sure yet. Tomorrow evening I'm going to be hanging out with Dean. We decided that we simply must do something completely random...leaning towards bowling at the minute. hehe. It will be good times whatever we do.

So that's lots of happy stuff...now for the things that made me cranky today...I am currently driving illegally. I do realize I shouldn't say that outloud, but whatever. Kai's tags are expired and the City and DMV are fucking around with me. They want me to pay twice for a fucking parking ticket I got last August for parking in the lot of the building i work in. It's a very touchy subject around the office. Anyway, the two entities have me running in circles and ya'll know how I feel about running as a general rule.

I'm tired, so I am off to sleep...busy day tomorrow and all. Have a great weekend, ya'll.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

When the Smoke Clears


My sissy, TG played me this song the first night I was
with her in Tennessee.Immediately I knew I had found
 my song...the song that perfectly captures how I feel
at this point in my life. Toby is amazing. I've been a
fan since the first single came out but this song right here...

Every Day ~ Toby Lightman

Every day is a struggle
Between what I want to say and what I want to keep to myself
And the words that manage to leave my lips
Don't hurt me, but they hurt everyone else

So I find myself in need of a pause
I'm not sure why, but I think that it's because
Of this desire to be what others want me to be
Which is nothing close to me

But I'll see better when the smoke clears
The smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat everything I've said
And all that remains me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens every day ... yeah...

Every day is a battle
Between what I want to know
and what I don't want to figure out
And everything in between
in these thoughts of mine
that you know I can't live with out

So I find myself in need of a pause
I'm not sure why, but I think that it's because
Of this desire to be what others want me to be
Which is nothing close to me

But I'll see better when the smoke clears
The smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming
doesn't repeat everything I've said
All that remains me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens every day ... yeah... oooh...

But I'll see better when the smoke clears
The smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming
doesn't repeat everything I've said
All that remains me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens every day ... this happens every day
This happens every day... yeah...

Musings of an Empress